Saturday, March 9, 2013

How to Add Skills to your LinkedIn Resume

Ok, first off - this is not a LinkedIn rant (there are some of those on this blog already, so let's not beat up that wonderful company any more). It is more a reflection of LinkedIn's ubiquity and near-total monopoly over the professional networking market that one uses word LinkedIn in the context of professional networks and recruitment in much the same way as one uses the word "Google" when referring to an Internet search.

Seeing the gay abandon and effortless ease with which people in today's hyper-connected world seem to acquire skills, I was impressed. Impressed that skills that one would think would take years to acquire and hone were now within the easy grasp of so many, with so little effort. Perhaps technology had indeed been the manna that technologists had long claimed and always known to be.

Now, it turns out that I happen to know a few of these distinguished people with distinguished skills. The forest fire of exuberant hope at the limitless prospects of technology was quickly extinguished when I tried to reconcile what I knew about these people and their actual capabilities with what they had put down as their skills set on LinkedIn. In the smoke of extinguished hope were left the embers of disillusionment.



I started thinking just what exactly prompted these people to add new skills to their resume on LinkedIn. After all, it had to be a process more deliberate than random. What if the ingredients in this heady concoction were exaggeration, hope, aspiration, bravado, and plain envy?

In the end, I decided that these rules-of-thumb, that I list below, were likely the best explanation...

How to add skills on your resume:
  1. Put "Cloud Computing" on your resume if you know how to use Gmail.
  2. Put "Saas" on your resume if you have heard of "Salesforce.com" or "AWS".
  3. Put "Mobile" on your resume if you own a smartphone, any smartphone.
  4. Put "Social" on your resume if you know how to login to Facebook. No, Orkut doesn't count.
  5. Put "mobile visionary" on your resume if you ever owned a smartphone that ran Android Froyo.
  6. Put "Big Data" on your resume if you own a hard drive one Terabyte or larger.
  7. Put "data scientist" on your resume if you can add two numbers using a calculator.
  8. Put "unstructured data" on your resume if you can use Twitter.
  9. Put "NoSQL" on your resume if you have never written a SQL statement in your life (inspired from this cartoon)
  10. Put "local" on your resume if you graduated from a school in the town you live in.
  11. Put "Data Visualizations" on your resume if you have heard of Edward Tufte. Add "Expert" if you have heard of Stephen Few.
  12. Put "spatial" on your resume if you know have ever used directions in Google Maps.
  13. Put "product management" on your resume if you have ever sent an email to anyone with the title "product manager" or "program manager".
  14. Put "product evangelist" on your resume if you have hired a product manager.
  15. Put "strategy" on your resume if you've heard of Michael Porter.
  16. Put "disruptive innovator" in your resume if you have heard of Clayton Christensen.
  17. Put "strategic innovation" on your resume if you have heard of David Teece.
  18. Put "leadership" on your resume if you were ever within one mile of any business school.
  19. Add "cutting edge" to "leadership" if you have looked up Stanford University on Google Maps.
  20. Put "executive leadership" if you have sat for any class in any business school.
  21. Add "global distributed management" on your resume if you've attended a conference call where the attendees were from more than two countries.
  22. Put "vision and strategy" on your resume if you have ever attended any 'off-site'.
  23. Put "visionary" on your resume if you have ever installed or used a beta product.
    And lastly....
  24. Put "bibliophile" on your resume if you have written at least one book review on Amazon.
Some Dilbert cartoons on the topic.

1234567

"dexterity is dharma, generosity is fame, truth is heaven, conduct is happiness" [Araneya Parva, Ch 297 - Aranyaka Parva, Mahabharata]
Abhinav Agarwal
March 9, 2013, Bangalore.
(updated April 23, 2013)

(c) 2013, Abhinav Agarwal. All rights reserved.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.